WELLBEING
Highly self-disciplined, classic perfectionists are
adept at presenting in a uniform way, making it
difficult to take their emotional temperature. Are they
thrilled? Enraged? Having the best orgasm of their
life? Who knows. Theyre either stoic or smiling as
if theyre about to have their picture taken. While its
easy to interpret this engagement style as inauthentic
or closed off, its anything but. Classic perfectionists
arent trying to be impressive or distance themselves
as much as theyre trying to offer to others what
they most value themselves: structure, consistency,
predictability, an understanding of all the options
so as to make an informed choice, high standards,
objectivity, clarity through organisation.
PARISIAN PERFECTIONISTS
HOW THEY PRESENT: They insist on proving
themselves singing for their supper even when
nobodys asking them to. Left unchecked, they
prioritise other peoples pleasure and comfort over
their own.
Lauren texted me before our session: running 10
minutes late. sorry, worst day. Tall and beautiful
(and caught in the rain), she came in soaked, looking
like a Barbie doll that had been unceremoniously
left in the backyard during a storm. I took her coat,
and in between the time I took it and turned around
to hang it, she started crying while apologising
for crying.
We discussed a meeting shed had earlier that
morning, which she perceived to have gone
disastrously. When pressed, she acknowledged that
the idea she presented dominated the conversation,
and the team chose to spotlight her work at an
upcoming conference. I waited for her to finish
before I said: Help me understand the problem.
Lauren blurted her response out in exasperation:
Because I can tell she doesnt like me, and I
hate it!
Parisian perfectionists want to be perfectly liked,
an achievement other types of perfectionists dont
prize. When a Parisian perfectionist is having trouble
connecting to someone with whom they want to
connect, it can all feel for naught.
PROSCRASTINATOR PERFECTIONISTS
HOW THEY PRESENT: They excel at preparing, can
see opportunities from a 360-degree perspective,
and have good impulse control. Left unchecked,
their preparative measures hit a point of diminishing
returns, resulting in indecisiveness and inaction.
Layla planned extensively for her departure from
work. She read every book on career transitions she
could find. She identified multiple other professional
paths she could see herself pivoting towards. Layla
also regularly attended networking events that she
got nothing out of. I could so easily imagine her
standing in an awful sports bar, surrounded by
seven-too-many TVs, smiling, and waiting. Layla
written in blue Sharpie on her sticker name tag. A
Styrofoam tray of cubed warm cheddar next to half a
sleeve of Ritz crackers that are still in the torn-open
bag. What a waste of this brilliant persons energy.
The worst part? She knew she was squandering
her time. Layla was fully aware that shed done
everything she needed to do, except choose a date
to leave. Procrastinator perfectionists wait for the
conditions to be perfect before starting. Dwelling
in hesitation, they live alongside the void that forms
within you when you dont do the thing you most
want to do.
MESSY PERFECTIONISTS
HOW THEY PRESENT: They are superstar idea
generators, adapt to spontaneity well, and are
naturally enthusiastic. Left unchecked, they
struggle to stay focused on their goals, ultimately
spreading their energy too thin to follow through on
their commitments.
I rarely give homework in therapy, its not my
style, but Pei-Han was an exception. I challenged
her to stop watching documentaries for 90 days.
I practically begged her. Pei-Han was a messy
perfectionist through and through, so anytime she
watched a documentary on anything (the hotel
industry, sushi, migrant workers), shed lunge
herself full speed ahead in the direction of a new
documentary-inspired goal, all the while trying
to juggle the multiple other objectives she was
attempting to achieve online training for yoga
teacher certification, applying for residency at
Brooklyn Arts Council, decorating her apartment
in preparation to become an Airbnb Superhost, the
list continued. Pei-Han couldnt help the way her
brain lit up like a fireworks show when she became
emotionally attached to a topic she found interesting.
Messy perfectionists are in love with starting. Unlike
their procrastinator perfectionist counterparts,
nothing brings a messy perfectionist
more joy than beginnings.
INTENSE PERFECTIONISTS
HOW THEY PRESENT: Effortlessly direct, they
maintain razor-sharp focus on achieving their goal.
Left unchecked, their standards can go from high to
impossible, and they can be punitive with others and
themselves for not achieving impossible standards.
On the corner of Broadway and Liberty Street in
Manhattans financial district stands a classic 1960s
building where I once had an office. Like several
buildings in the city, the security at 140 Broadway
requires you to confirm your identification at the
concierge desk in the lobby so that you can receive
a badge to enter the electronically guarded elevator
bank. Dawn spent the first five minutes of her
session explaining to me why the security system
was inefficient and idiotic. The more she spoke,
the more her annoyance morphed into antagonism.
The antagonism wasnt directed towards me, or
herself, or the security personnel downstairs. It was
an antagonism against the void. The antagonistic
energy behind intense perfectionism isnt always
existential; intense perfectionists can be provocative.
They are wild cards; some demonstrate extreme selfcontrol, while others are reckless (temper tantrums at
work, making impulsive decisions out of anger, etc.).
Their off-the-charts work ethic is more like a work
mandate and can take a steep toll on their physical
and emotional wellbeing, as well as the quality of
their interpersonal relationships.
Self-confessed perfectionists
BEYONCÉ
Im a classic perfectionist
and a Virgo; Virgos are
serious perfectionists! I
try not to be so hard on
myself and my intention
for my Renaissance album,
was to create a place to be
free of perfectionism and
overthinking. A place to
scream, release,
feel freedom.
MELANIE
HARRISON
Hotelier
I wholeheartedly identify as
a messy perfectionist. The
concept of too many ideas and
too little time springs to mind.
I am obsessed with the details
at the hotel [The Harrison
Chambers of Distinction,
Belfast]. As I am sucker for
anything with a story, I have
to show so much restraint at
auctions, in antique shops and
shopping online and remind
myself that one day I am going
to run out of space.
FERGUS
OHALLORAN
General Manager
Im a hybrid of all these
perfectionist types. When
it comes to my work at The
Twelve, Galway, I have very
high expectations. There is
a constant clock ticking in
my head where everything
seems to be going too
slowly. My colleagues have
learned to adapt to me
and likewise, I have
learned to adapt to
reality somewhat.
NICKI HOYNE
Accessories Designer
Im definitely an intense
perfectionist at work. I will
throw out a whole idea if I
cant get it exactly as I want
it. I aim high, comparing
myself to Chanel or Dior,
and then I feel disappointed
and defeated when I
dont achieve impossible
goals. However, I am a
procrastinator perfectionist
on home decor projects. I
put them off and then never
actually finish anything!
THE GLOSS MAGAZINE February 2023 33
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WELLBEING Perfectionists Identify Yourselves! T Therapist Katherine Morgan Schaflers research reveals perfectionism is a phenomenon, not a disorder The night before our wedding, my husband and I decided to sleep separately, so that each of us could spend the evening in the most relaxing way possi
WELLBEING Highly self-disciplined, classic perfectionists are adept at presenting in a uniform way, making it difficult to take their emotional temperature. Are they thrilled? Enraged? Having the best orgasm of their life? Who knows. Theyre either stoic or smiling as if theyre about to have their pi
BEAUTY Beauty Notes RIXO A FRED MEYLAN spa treatment is truly welcome in February even better when its right on our doorstep. Were excited to visit Irelands first Clarins Boutique and Skin Spa, just opened on Wicklow Street in Dublin 2. Ive experienced Clarins facials elsewhere (most notably at
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BOOKS BOOKS Reading Notes Orna Mulcahy finds fascinating books for February T HE LAST TALE OF THE FLOWER BRIDE (Hodder & Stoughton, €19) is the first adult novel from best-selling American YA author Roshani Chokshi and its very good. A dark love story with a Gothic feel, it recalls the best, mos
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INTERIORS EVERY INCH OF THIS ELEGANT PENTHOUSE WAS DESIGNED AND FINISHED WITH EXCEPTIONAL ATTENTION TO DETAIL. ABOVE In the bedroom, with its art deco feel, every piece of furniture was designed to fit perfectly, while the pink marble en suite bathroom is pretty and luxurious. BELOW LEFT The guest
This Glossy Life ALEX BRAMELL Step inside the playful London home of artist couple Charlotte and Philip Colbert S The Colberts in their double-height living room. The sofa and armchairs are by Oliver Gustav. The coffee table is by Buchanan Studio x Charlotte Colbert. urrealist artists Charlotte a
46 February 2023 THE GLOSS MAGAZINE CHRISTOPHER HORWOOD (from four townhouses), with additional help from Buchanan Studio, former set designers known for their cool aesthetic. La Colombe dOr art hotel in St Paul de Vence in the South of France, where magnificent art is coolly and casually displa
ALEX BRAMELL CHRISTOPHER HORWOOD CHRISTOPHER HORWOOD ALEX BRAMELL THIS GLOSSY LIFE THE GLOSS MAGAZINE February 2023 47 THE GLOSS MAGAZINE February 2023 47
ENVIRONMENT A Drop in The Ocean Holly Hughes discovers a community of composters Virginia OGara of the Cork Urban Soil Project (CUSP). F ood waste is not a pollutant, its a treasured resource, Virginia OGara, one of the founders of the Cork Urban Soil Project (CUSP), tells me. We are speaking i
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